Father Joe: The Catholic Faith teaches us that it is easier to act our way into belief than to believe our way into action. The Ten Commandments are invitations to form habits of the heart that lead to holiness. Honoring our parents is one of those habits, learned through Jesus’ example. While Jesus obeyed his Heavenly Father, he also obeyed Mary and Joseph, modeling the humility required to form healthy, holy relationships with our parents.

Honoring our parents is a life-long challenge, one that changes through the seasons of our lives. As children, we honor them through docility and obedience. As young adults, we begin to seek and value their wisdom. As our parents age, we must care for them with respect and allow them to maintain their dignity. As parents approach the end of their lives, we should offer love, gratitude, and patient care.

Parents, too, should set a good example, teach their children, and avoid being overbearing. But parents are imperfect; they make mistakes and often need our forgiveness. I have pictures of my late parents in my office from when they were young. Seeing these pictures reminds me to be grateful for their sacrifices, despite their imperfections. Do not wait until your parents are gone to learn the importance of loving and appreciating them despite difficulties.  

To honor your parents, especially when things are difficult, focus on building mutual trust and open communication. Speak the truth in love. Reflect on whether you are acting maturely toward your parents or still relating to them with adolescent behaviors. Our childhood perceptions of our parents can be distorted by juvenile thinking, so as we grow, our relationship with them must grow too.

To improve these relationships, get to know your parents as individuals. Be curious about their experiences and express your feelings honestly. Don't expect perfection. Approach difficulties as you would with a close friend. To build healthier relationships, break any bad habits — avoid taking sides in parental conflicts, and respect their right to make their own choices. Express love and gratitude often, and be generous in apologizing and forgiving.

Some families have issues that may require professional help. However, every family has unique struggles, traumas, and wounds that need healing. Bring these into God’s grace, praying for the Holy Spirit’s guidance to overcome obstacles in your relationship with your parents. Recognize what season of life you and your parents are in and seek to develop habits of the heart that transcend difficulties and foster mutual respect and love.

Remember that God gives us the tools to navigate life's challenges and abundant grace when we entrust our familial relationships to his providence. The time you have with your parents is precious; treat it as such. You will come to understand and appreciate your mom and dad more deeply after they have returned to God.